Oh... Life....

So... yeah.Who would have thought we would be rejoining the army.

I'm writing this here because I want to talk this out. And I want to do it openly... but not so much. I don't think there are a lot of people who read this. And any one who finds this is likely someone who's safe to talk this out with.

My husband and I are putting in 100 hours a week between the two of us. And we're only making about $1,000 more per month than my husband did, with 40 hours a week in the army. We have no benefits, we have no vacation time, we only have 6 days of office recognized holidays, and of all of them only 3 are paid days. We are putting all of our dreams on hold to try and get into a better place, where we're not working all of these ridiculous hours.

My husband is restless and bored, to put it lightly. I love him so greatly. And it kills me to see him so stir crazy like this, like he's missing out on life. He's stuck here doing the same thing day in and day out, no excitement, no change, and very few people for him to develop real and deep relationships with. He's a people person, and in his job he's working for people, solo. He's just working with 4 people (well, 5 if you count me). And he's traveling all around the town in a van by himself, going to some random person's house for a few hours and off again. So that relationship with the people that he is working with isn't there for him.

Michigan isn't what we remembered it to be. People's lives have changed and moved on without us. We're not as close to the people here as we used to be. We don't really seem to fit in anywhere here any more. Our lives have grown and changed and being back here feels like being trapped in a very small box, that we used to fit into, or trying to squeeze into clothes that we wore in elementary school.

When Greg was in the military, he was working. He was enjoying himself. He was able to see other countries and travel. And he was the only one who was working. Especially since he's gone through a deployment, he has this instant connection with other people in the army and service in general. He loves the community of working as part of a larger team to accomplish these big goals. He loves being able to get to know people from all over the country. He really enjoyed his time in the Army. He really felt like his life had a purpose.

He's so restless, and stir crazy that today when he was talking about options and what he wants for life he was literally standing on the couch reaching for the ceiling.

He wants to go back. And I'm with him in that decision.

Right now it's just a matter of timing. We bought a house. We need to either pay it off or sell it, but regardless we need to finish the work that we're doing on it.

We're thinking that if he does go back, he wants to request a deployment right away, so that when he's back and we move, we'll have a longer time together in the new place before he has to deploy.

While he's on that deployment. I'll stay here in Michigan working my jobs, or maybe job by that time. Pay off the house with the military pay check. Live there, making our life as pick-up-and-go but still cozy as possible. And when he comes back, we'll go active duty and be gone to a new place again. Military life, career. Closer to the way we want our lives to be, closer to our dreams than anything we see available here.

He started in the army thinking that he wanted to go career. But got out anyway, thinking there were better opportunities at home. We haven't found any, not that are things that he really wants to do, not that are going to let us keep our dreams. So back we go.

Back to the great and crazy diverse collections of people that happen at military posts. Back to the structure, back to deployments and fields. Back to doing life separate, but together. Back to early mornings and FRG activities.

Army wife again.... go figure.